Tears poured down her face as she struggled with her faith. Tear drops dripped down as I held her hand, and watched her cry. I didn’t feel like I had anything adequate to say. I didn’t have the words. All I could do was sit there, and be with her. She began to tell me about the last couple of months in her life. I sat there, and could feel the pain and suffering. I could feel her fear, doubt, sadness, and all of the emotions that she had possibly hid from most of those who were around her.
Before I had arrived at her house I didn’t even know what to teach. Here I was this Masters in Divinity student, and I had no clue what I was going to teach. I said a small prayer, and asked the Lord to lead and guide me. I felt impressed to read the story of the woman who had been healed of an issue of blood. I didn’t know how this story would fit into her life, but I had faith that this is what we were supposed to study together. “Lord, guide us, lead us, and help us to learn something from your word” were my words before I opened the door and went up to the house.
For years I had taught this woman a bible study. Sometimes I didn’t know if she remembered the things that we studied. Sometimes I didn’t even know if she was listening. Still, every week I came and taught the Word. I had been with her as she went down in the water, and I had to get down in the baptismal tank with her because she was scared. I had been with her when she received the Holy Spirit. I had been with her as she needed help to climb up the stairs at church when her body was weak and unable to go up them alone. I had been with her, and then for a year I hadn’t seen her. Today, this bible study was different though. I had been away at college for a year, and I didn’t know how she was going to receive me. This was a “catching up” bible study. I opened the door, gave her a hug, and sat down.
As we began to read the Word I could see and feel it as it pierced our Spirits. I could feel the Lord lead and guide me as I asked questions, and attempted to be a minister of his gospel. At every step of the way I could feel his presence, and that is what gave me the strength to sit and allow her to cry. “It’s okay to cry,” I said. There was a peace that came over me as I told her about God’s comfort (John 14:18), and how he has not come to condemn us (Romans 8:1). Tears ran down her face, she was shaking, and I couldn’t do anything except be silent in this moment. I asked her how the woman might have felt in Luke 8 when she was going through a time where people had rejected her, she was sick, and possibly felt alone. Suddenly, without warning, this woman burst into tears. She said to me, “I would cry. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be next to Jesus.” Faith arose up in me, and I said “God is here.” This passage of scripture had opened her heart, and now God wanted to bring healing, restoration, and reconciliation to this woman. I am confident that it is in these moments (the silent ones when we don’t know exactly what to say or do) that God does deep work within our being. God opens up our hearts and minds to allow his Spirit to move and work in us.
Today, God ministered to a woman who was in need through me. I was a vessel, and a broken vessel at that. I’m not perfect, I’ve sinned, but God still desired to use me to minister to someone who was in need of him. Instead of going to “church” I became the “church.”
On Thursday he was diagnosed with Leukemia. On Monday afternoon I met her. I was getting ready to go onto my break at work, and this lady approaches me and asks for a Spanish dictionary. There is always just one more customer when it is time for you to go on your break, or leave for the day. I figured this couldn’t take very long, so I took her over to the Spanish section and began to show her the dictionaries. I suggested a few things, and she casually said that there had been a death in the family. I said “Oh I’m sorry.” We never really know what to say in these moments, especially when the grief and sadness just leaks out onto the page of life. The search for a Spanish dictionary didn’t have anything to do with the real reason why this woman needed my help.
I suggested some dictionaries, and I gave her a Spanish phrase book. As she asked more material I thought to myself I have stuff at home that she could have. So I casually suggested that she could have my Spanish vocabulary cards and Spanish cds at home. Her face lit up in amazement, because I think it was hard for her to believe that someone would just give her something with no strings attached. I suggested that we meet later that day at Bread Co. We set the time, 6pm, and exchanged phone numbers.
I got off of work late, cleaned my apartment, and searched for the things that I had said I was going to give to her. She called me at 5:50pm to let me know that she had arrived there early. I told her I was on my way. I stepped out of the card with a box of Spanish vocabulary words, two in the car Spanish Cd sets, and two things of blank index cards that I thought she might be able to use. She had a bright smile on her face, and offered to buy me dinner. I accepted.
We went inside, and ordered out meals. We then went, and sat outside. We began to talk, and she began to tell me more about herself and her family. I could tell that she needed something. She needed what I had. She already had a relationship with God, but she needed more of God. I invited her to Friend’s Day, because she is now my new friend. As we talked I began to share some scriptures and the story of Job. I told her why I liked the story, and why I didn’t like the story. I quoted to her Romans 8:28. I don’t know where these things came from. I hadn’t planned on saying them, they just came out. The Word just spilled out of me, like a river of living water. I could see a sparkle in her eye as the Word began to minister to her. I didn’t have any fancy words, an eloquent sermon, or a complex message. I just had a simple thought about hope. She needed hope. She wanted hope. She had been through struggles and situations that I cannot even imagine. I could relate on some levels, but on other levels I had no clue how she felt or what she was thinking. I simply shared what I knew, and what I had learned from the Lord. At the end of the conversation I asked her if I could pray a blessing for her. I prayed for her family, and for her. I asked for peace, strength, encouragement, guidance, and direction. I prayed in Jesus name. She smiled, and I knew that at that moment my life had touched her life. A normal day at work had turned into an amazing second commandment opportunity. I gave her Spanish vocabulary cards and Cds, but the Lord worked through me to give her a message of hope and comfort in a time when she needed it the most. I don’t know what bridge has been built. I didn’t share everything I know about the plan of salvation or every church doctrine. I simply shared a small seed of hope, a grain of a message, which I hope will grow into a hunger to know and experience more of the Holy Spirit. I was a vessel today. I was an instrument of true religion. We had church under a canopy outside of Bread Co while eating Greek Salads and Turkey Asiago sandwiches. It was amazing, because God is amazing. Only God can order your steps so that you can BE what He has called You to Be: The Church.
