Leaves fell from the tip top of the tree to the firm ground. They swayed back and forth like a beautiful crystal chandelier in the wind. As they slipped onto the cold ground there was a calmness that came over them as if they were destined to meet at that specific time. As I think about the fall season and then the changing of different seasons in our lives, I am reminded of the goodness of God and His ability to create the perfect picture for us that we never could have imagined.
The last few years of my life have presented me with some major changes. I’ve moved far away from my family, friends, and church. I graduated and then started school again, moved home and then moved out on my own, started new jobs and then left them for different new jobs, started and been in new relationships only to start and be in more new relationships, and I’ve learned a whole lot about myself and the world around me. The person I was simply five years ago has evolved into a person that I wouldn’t have recognized at twenty-one. God has done so many wonderful things in my life, but it hasn’t always been easy to accept change and the different seasons that have come and gone.
They say that as you grow older you gain more wisdom, and you begin to see life in a different light. Things that were once crazily important are redefined, and your true character and values present themselves as an open present or box to the world. I’ve come to learn that my desires, wants, and needs have shifted over time. I realize how little I need to be happy (when God is always with me). There are times and seasons when materialism, people pleasing, and the temptation to conform to pressure surround us. I have found that these phases in life seem to fade just like the leaves that fall from the trees. The process isn’t always easy, but somehow we make it through.
I can’t imagine that when a tree changes colors, and then loses all of its leaves it is an easy process. I’m sure that the tree at many times feels the pain and struggle of it all. The tree knows that change is coming, has prepared as much as it can throughout the year for the cold winter, but really is lost in the mystery of life and how it will happen and occur. Maybe we feel like this too. Sometimes we know that change is coming, but we don’t know exactly what that will mean. Sometimes we ask for change, pray for something, and then when the Lord opens the door we are scared to walk through it. Sometimes we aren’t ready for change even though we like to believe that we can conquer the world! The process of change isn’t easy, and it takes time to adjust. Often times we assume that even when we are in the will of God it will be a crazily happily and great time only to find that sometimes are much quieter and slower than others. Sometimes the only preparation that we have for the change that occurs so fast in our life is the willingness and desire to hold the hand of God as he leads us through some of the darkest and most challenging times in our lives. In retrospect we look back on these “dark times,” and we are amazed at how many of the Lord’s footsteps we can see imprinted into our journey.
I have to believe that there is some sort of divine purpose for all of us. There is something special in every change and season that occurs. Just as the leaves fall at a certain time and fulfill their purpose we too must fulfill our purpose. If we do not do what we have been created to do, what is the meaning of our existence?
It’s easy to say we believe Romans 8:28. It’s easy to proclaim that God is great when the blessings, the favor, and our dreams are being fulfilled. But what about the times when God is silent? What about the times when our dreams are put on hold? What about the times when God says “No,” and we want him to say “Yes.” How do we accept a completely different plan? Do we truly believe that ALL things work together for the good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose? Can we truly be honest with ourselves and with our God? Life isn’t always easy. Life isn’t always what we think it will be. Sometimes it is more, and sometimes it is less. But even in these times it would be valuable for us to learn to trust God, to keep seeking out His will, to keep praying even when it seems He is silent and distant, and to keep believing when nothing seems like it will unfold.
The sun began to rise in the east that day. The sparkle of the morning dust lifted quietly up off the ground. Rose petals began to open, birds began to chirp, and the trees began to stretch their branches as if to yawn for the rising of the day. No one knew exactly what to expect this Spring. The one thing they did know however was that no matter what: God was with them, He desperately loved them, and that He wanted to wrap His arms of mercy and grace around them on this beautiful new day that He had given to them.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Broken Glass...
Her hand stretched and reached for it before it hit the floor. Her facial expression dropped as you could see the temporary terror in her eyes. Without time to be caught, the glass fell to the ground, and separated into hundreds of tiny glass pieces. We’ve all heard this noise before at a restaurant, and we all have the same reaction. We look toward the noise, act as if we have never seen a glass or plate drop to the ground and break, and then we turn back around like nothing has ever happened.
This same occurrence happens in the lives of so many Christian churches, families, and individuals. Many times we are like a glass that has dropped to the ground and broken into many pieces. Our lives are made up of past hurts, wounds that have festered, and problems that we have hidden under the surface for years. Like an iceberg, many times the problem that we see is only part of the larger problem that is going on inside. The sad reality is that no matter how hard we try to cover up the brokenness it still exists. We can wear masks, live dual lives, try to fool the whole world into believing that we are okay, but truth be known we need help. We never fool God, and most of the time we don’t even ask for his help. We ignore him when we really need to cling to him, so that he can work through the brokenness to make us whole again.
Personally, I have struggled with brokenness. I have struggled with being a part of a broken family, which has created individual brokenness of many levels. For years I hid the fact that I was in pain. I never expressed the anger I felt toward the brokenness that I had encountered. I never knew that it was okay to be angry, that it was normal to feel rejected, and that it was human nature to want to be made whole again. I felt guilt for being broken, but I didn’t know how to be healed. I thought that I knew God, but I didn’t know him as my healer.
When a glass breaks it shreds into many pieces. These pieces can be very dangerous for all of those involved in the accident. Our lives, when broken and in pieces can be very dangerous. Our attitude, spirit, words, conduct, and behavior can be dangerous. When we hurt others hurt. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are instructed to cast our cares and anxiety upon God, because he cares for us. Sometimes we try to carry all of our hurts, because we don’t know that we can give them to the Lord. We hurt for years, because we don’t know that it is the will of God for us to give these hurts to our loving and caring Savior. You don’t have to carry your hurts, because he carried them already on Calvary.
In conclusion, I know that the Lord wants to make us whole again. The funny thing about dropping a glass is that if you pick up all the pieces and superglue it back together it never looks the same. When God heals us we are never the same again. When God heals us we become stronger, and more able to withstand the next raging storm. God wants to bring healing to us today, and he wants to take what society has left in broken pieces and make it whole. God wants to reconcile us back to Him! God is able to take our broken pieces, and make a beautiful creation again. Why not let him?
Romans 5:10-11, “For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (ESV)”
This same occurrence happens in the lives of so many Christian churches, families, and individuals. Many times we are like a glass that has dropped to the ground and broken into many pieces. Our lives are made up of past hurts, wounds that have festered, and problems that we have hidden under the surface for years. Like an iceberg, many times the problem that we see is only part of the larger problem that is going on inside. The sad reality is that no matter how hard we try to cover up the brokenness it still exists. We can wear masks, live dual lives, try to fool the whole world into believing that we are okay, but truth be known we need help. We never fool God, and most of the time we don’t even ask for his help. We ignore him when we really need to cling to him, so that he can work through the brokenness to make us whole again.
Personally, I have struggled with brokenness. I have struggled with being a part of a broken family, which has created individual brokenness of many levels. For years I hid the fact that I was in pain. I never expressed the anger I felt toward the brokenness that I had encountered. I never knew that it was okay to be angry, that it was normal to feel rejected, and that it was human nature to want to be made whole again. I felt guilt for being broken, but I didn’t know how to be healed. I thought that I knew God, but I didn’t know him as my healer.
When a glass breaks it shreds into many pieces. These pieces can be very dangerous for all of those involved in the accident. Our lives, when broken and in pieces can be very dangerous. Our attitude, spirit, words, conduct, and behavior can be dangerous. When we hurt others hurt. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are instructed to cast our cares and anxiety upon God, because he cares for us. Sometimes we try to carry all of our hurts, because we don’t know that we can give them to the Lord. We hurt for years, because we don’t know that it is the will of God for us to give these hurts to our loving and caring Savior. You don’t have to carry your hurts, because he carried them already on Calvary.
In conclusion, I know that the Lord wants to make us whole again. The funny thing about dropping a glass is that if you pick up all the pieces and superglue it back together it never looks the same. When God heals us we are never the same again. When God heals us we become stronger, and more able to withstand the next raging storm. God wants to bring healing to us today, and he wants to take what society has left in broken pieces and make it whole. God wants to reconcile us back to Him! God is able to take our broken pieces, and make a beautiful creation again. Why not let him?
Romans 5:10-11, “For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (ESV)”
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Ministry Memoirs
Tears poured down her face as she struggled with her faith. Tear drops dripped down as I held her hand, and watched her cry. I didn’t feel like I had anything adequate to say. I didn’t have the words. All I could do was sit there, and be with her. She began to tell me about the last couple of months in her life. I sat there, and could feel the pain and suffering. I could feel her fear, doubt, sadness, and all of the emotions that she had possibly hid from most of those who were around her.
Before I had arrived at her house I didn’t even know what to teach. Here I was this Masters in Divinity student, and I had no clue what I was going to teach. I said a small prayer, and asked the Lord to lead and guide me. I felt impressed to read the story of the woman who had been healed of an issue of blood. I didn’t know how this story would fit into her life, but I had faith that this is what we were supposed to study together. “Lord, guide us, lead us, and help us to learn something from your word” were my words before I opened the door and went up to the house.
For years I had taught this woman a bible study. Sometimes I didn’t know if she remembered the things that we studied. Sometimes I didn’t even know if she was listening. Still, every week I came and taught the Word. I had been with her as she went down in the water, and I had to get down in the baptismal tank with her because she was scared. I had been with her when she received the Holy Spirit. I had been with her as she needed help to climb up the stairs at church when her body was weak and unable to go up them alone. I had been with her, and then for a year I hadn’t seen her. Today, this bible study was different though. I had been away at college for a year, and I didn’t know how she was going to receive me. This was a “catching up” bible study. I opened the door, gave her a hug, and sat down.
As we began to read the Word I could see and feel it as it pierced our Spirits. I could feel the Lord lead and guide me as I asked questions, and attempted to be a minister of his gospel. At every step of the way I could feel his presence, and that is what gave me the strength to sit and allow her to cry. “It’s okay to cry,” I said. There was a peace that came over me as I told her about God’s comfort (John 14:18), and how he has not come to condemn us (Romans 8:1). Tears ran down her face, she was shaking, and I couldn’t do anything except be silent in this moment. I asked her how the woman might have felt in Luke 8 when she was going through a time where people had rejected her, she was sick, and possibly felt alone. Suddenly, without warning, this woman burst into tears. She said to me, “I would cry. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be next to Jesus.” Faith arose up in me, and I said “God is here.” This passage of scripture had opened her heart, and now God wanted to bring healing, restoration, and reconciliation to this woman. I am confident that it is in these moments (the silent ones when we don’t know exactly what to say or do) that God does deep work within our being. God opens up our hearts and minds to allow his Spirit to move and work in us.
Today, God ministered to a woman who was in need through me. I was a vessel, and a broken vessel at that. I’m not perfect, I’ve sinned, but God still desired to use me to minister to someone who was in need of him. Instead of going to “church” I became the “church.”
On Thursday he was diagnosed with Leukemia. On Monday afternoon I met her. I was getting ready to go onto my break at work, and this lady approaches me and asks for a Spanish dictionary. There is always just one more customer when it is time for you to go on your break, or leave for the day. I figured this couldn’t take very long, so I took her over to the Spanish section and began to show her the dictionaries. I suggested a few things, and she casually said that there had been a death in the family. I said “Oh I’m sorry.” We never really know what to say in these moments, especially when the grief and sadness just leaks out onto the page of life. The search for a Spanish dictionary didn’t have anything to do with the real reason why this woman needed my help.
I suggested some dictionaries, and I gave her a Spanish phrase book. As she asked more material I thought to myself I have stuff at home that she could have. So I casually suggested that she could have my Spanish vocabulary cards and Spanish cds at home. Her face lit up in amazement, because I think it was hard for her to believe that someone would just give her something with no strings attached. I suggested that we meet later that day at Bread Co. We set the time, 6pm, and exchanged phone numbers.
I got off of work late, cleaned my apartment, and searched for the things that I had said I was going to give to her. She called me at 5:50pm to let me know that she had arrived there early. I told her I was on my way. I stepped out of the card with a box of Spanish vocabulary words, two in the car Spanish Cd sets, and two things of blank index cards that I thought she might be able to use. She had a bright smile on her face, and offered to buy me dinner. I accepted.
We went inside, and ordered out meals. We then went, and sat outside. We began to talk, and she began to tell me more about herself and her family. I could tell that she needed something. She needed what I had. She already had a relationship with God, but she needed more of God. I invited her to Friend’s Day, because she is now my new friend. As we talked I began to share some scriptures and the story of Job. I told her why I liked the story, and why I didn’t like the story. I quoted to her Romans 8:28. I don’t know where these things came from. I hadn’t planned on saying them, they just came out. The Word just spilled out of me, like a river of living water. I could see a sparkle in her eye as the Word began to minister to her. I didn’t have any fancy words, an eloquent sermon, or a complex message. I just had a simple thought about hope. She needed hope. She wanted hope. She had been through struggles and situations that I cannot even imagine. I could relate on some levels, but on other levels I had no clue how she felt or what she was thinking. I simply shared what I knew, and what I had learned from the Lord. At the end of the conversation I asked her if I could pray a blessing for her. I prayed for her family, and for her. I asked for peace, strength, encouragement, guidance, and direction. I prayed in Jesus name. She smiled, and I knew that at that moment my life had touched her life. A normal day at work had turned into an amazing second commandment opportunity. I gave her Spanish vocabulary cards and Cds, but the Lord worked through me to give her a message of hope and comfort in a time when she needed it the most. I don’t know what bridge has been built. I didn’t share everything I know about the plan of salvation or every church doctrine. I simply shared a small seed of hope, a grain of a message, which I hope will grow into a hunger to know and experience more of the Holy Spirit. I was a vessel today. I was an instrument of true religion. We had church under a canopy outside of Bread Co while eating Greek Salads and Turkey Asiago sandwiches. It was amazing, because God is amazing. Only God can order your steps so that you can BE what He has called You to Be: The Church.
Before I had arrived at her house I didn’t even know what to teach. Here I was this Masters in Divinity student, and I had no clue what I was going to teach. I said a small prayer, and asked the Lord to lead and guide me. I felt impressed to read the story of the woman who had been healed of an issue of blood. I didn’t know how this story would fit into her life, but I had faith that this is what we were supposed to study together. “Lord, guide us, lead us, and help us to learn something from your word” were my words before I opened the door and went up to the house.
For years I had taught this woman a bible study. Sometimes I didn’t know if she remembered the things that we studied. Sometimes I didn’t even know if she was listening. Still, every week I came and taught the Word. I had been with her as she went down in the water, and I had to get down in the baptismal tank with her because she was scared. I had been with her when she received the Holy Spirit. I had been with her as she needed help to climb up the stairs at church when her body was weak and unable to go up them alone. I had been with her, and then for a year I hadn’t seen her. Today, this bible study was different though. I had been away at college for a year, and I didn’t know how she was going to receive me. This was a “catching up” bible study. I opened the door, gave her a hug, and sat down.
As we began to read the Word I could see and feel it as it pierced our Spirits. I could feel the Lord lead and guide me as I asked questions, and attempted to be a minister of his gospel. At every step of the way I could feel his presence, and that is what gave me the strength to sit and allow her to cry. “It’s okay to cry,” I said. There was a peace that came over me as I told her about God’s comfort (John 14:18), and how he has not come to condemn us (Romans 8:1). Tears ran down her face, she was shaking, and I couldn’t do anything except be silent in this moment. I asked her how the woman might have felt in Luke 8 when she was going through a time where people had rejected her, she was sick, and possibly felt alone. Suddenly, without warning, this woman burst into tears. She said to me, “I would cry. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be next to Jesus.” Faith arose up in me, and I said “God is here.” This passage of scripture had opened her heart, and now God wanted to bring healing, restoration, and reconciliation to this woman. I am confident that it is in these moments (the silent ones when we don’t know exactly what to say or do) that God does deep work within our being. God opens up our hearts and minds to allow his Spirit to move and work in us.
Today, God ministered to a woman who was in need through me. I was a vessel, and a broken vessel at that. I’m not perfect, I’ve sinned, but God still desired to use me to minister to someone who was in need of him. Instead of going to “church” I became the “church.”
On Thursday he was diagnosed with Leukemia. On Monday afternoon I met her. I was getting ready to go onto my break at work, and this lady approaches me and asks for a Spanish dictionary. There is always just one more customer when it is time for you to go on your break, or leave for the day. I figured this couldn’t take very long, so I took her over to the Spanish section and began to show her the dictionaries. I suggested a few things, and she casually said that there had been a death in the family. I said “Oh I’m sorry.” We never really know what to say in these moments, especially when the grief and sadness just leaks out onto the page of life. The search for a Spanish dictionary didn’t have anything to do with the real reason why this woman needed my help.
I suggested some dictionaries, and I gave her a Spanish phrase book. As she asked more material I thought to myself I have stuff at home that she could have. So I casually suggested that she could have my Spanish vocabulary cards and Spanish cds at home. Her face lit up in amazement, because I think it was hard for her to believe that someone would just give her something with no strings attached. I suggested that we meet later that day at Bread Co. We set the time, 6pm, and exchanged phone numbers.
I got off of work late, cleaned my apartment, and searched for the things that I had said I was going to give to her. She called me at 5:50pm to let me know that she had arrived there early. I told her I was on my way. I stepped out of the card with a box of Spanish vocabulary words, two in the car Spanish Cd sets, and two things of blank index cards that I thought she might be able to use. She had a bright smile on her face, and offered to buy me dinner. I accepted.
We went inside, and ordered out meals. We then went, and sat outside. We began to talk, and she began to tell me more about herself and her family. I could tell that she needed something. She needed what I had. She already had a relationship with God, but she needed more of God. I invited her to Friend’s Day, because she is now my new friend. As we talked I began to share some scriptures and the story of Job. I told her why I liked the story, and why I didn’t like the story. I quoted to her Romans 8:28. I don’t know where these things came from. I hadn’t planned on saying them, they just came out. The Word just spilled out of me, like a river of living water. I could see a sparkle in her eye as the Word began to minister to her. I didn’t have any fancy words, an eloquent sermon, or a complex message. I just had a simple thought about hope. She needed hope. She wanted hope. She had been through struggles and situations that I cannot even imagine. I could relate on some levels, but on other levels I had no clue how she felt or what she was thinking. I simply shared what I knew, and what I had learned from the Lord. At the end of the conversation I asked her if I could pray a blessing for her. I prayed for her family, and for her. I asked for peace, strength, encouragement, guidance, and direction. I prayed in Jesus name. She smiled, and I knew that at that moment my life had touched her life. A normal day at work had turned into an amazing second commandment opportunity. I gave her Spanish vocabulary cards and Cds, but the Lord worked through me to give her a message of hope and comfort in a time when she needed it the most. I don’t know what bridge has been built. I didn’t share everything I know about the plan of salvation or every church doctrine. I simply shared a small seed of hope, a grain of a message, which I hope will grow into a hunger to know and experience more of the Holy Spirit. I was a vessel today. I was an instrument of true religion. We had church under a canopy outside of Bread Co while eating Greek Salads and Turkey Asiago sandwiches. It was amazing, because God is amazing. Only God can order your steps so that you can BE what He has called You to Be: The Church.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)